November 2009

Greetings, Pequannock Valley School Community,

The year has started and we are well into the routine. Our sixth graders are making a good adjustment to the new environment. So are the rest of us!

 

This month, I would like to speak with you about a topic that makes the most brave parent shudder: Responsibility. Let me begin by stating the obvious: Middle school is the time that provides a bridge for students. They enter the middle school as elementary school students and leave as teenagers that are well immersed in the culture of the peer group. And here’s the interesting thing – it all happens before YOU know it. The good news is that most of these changes are predictable. And once something is predictable, there are some tried-and-true ways that offer a better success rate.

 

The developmental challenge that I will discuss this month is responsibility. Clearly, if your kindergartener forgets their lunch we tend to react differently than if you eleventh grader forgets lunch. But, how do we bring our students from dependent to independent? The middle school years can be the answer.

 

Independence is not an innate skill. Children do not become magically independent. Independence takes careful planning on the parents’ part. What decisions should they be able to make? When do they start making these decisions? Most experts concur that this depends on the child. However, the best indicator is the ability for the child to begin accepting more responsibility.

 

Beginning in sixth grade (if not sooner), help your child establish a routine for getting to school in the morning. Specifically, what do they need for the next day? Resist signing things or giving permission for activities in the morning. This helps children think ahead. AND it makes your morning more peaceful.

 

Now here is the tip that will send some parents whirling – if they forget it, DO NOT BRING IT. Seriously, do not bring it unless it will prevent the child from learning (such as glasses or medications). Middle school is the time to do this! If they get one zero for not being prepared, it will not destroy their option for the Ivy Leagues. But, it will help them become more responsible, independent students. Ultimately, this characteristic is one that distinguishes the most successful students and adults.

 

The same is true with lunches: If they forget their lunch money or lunch, please do not run to the school to deliver lunch. We have lunch money that we gladly lend. And if your child has a special diet, it is all the more reason to help them become responsible for remembering their lunches. Encourage students with special diets to always have some sort of nutritional supplement in their lockers. While that might not be as filling as a delicious lunch, I assure you that no child has ever starved or failed middle school because they ate a very light lunch. However, I also assure you that they will not forget lunch as often. Notice that I did not presume tell you that they will remember everything for the rest of their lives as a result of you not running to school. They will BEGIN to plan ahead. They will BEGIN to show signs of responsibility. And that is when they can earn more opportunities for additional responsibility. Like we would not throw children into the deep end of the pool, we also must teach them to swim in the pool of responsibility. Honestly, both you and your students will benefit from this path to responsibility.

 

On November 17, at 9:30 am, in the Guidance Conference Suite, we will be holding the first Principal’s Coffee Hour and HSA meeting. The Coffee Hour will give us time to continue this discussion and any other parenting issues you might want to discuss. Please join us so that we can enjoy a lively conversation and some good laughs. Did I forget to tell you that middle school requires a very good sense of humor? We’ll have your cup of coffee ready!

 

Warm regards,

Sue